Okay, so I am going to try to remain positive. On a good note, Matthew is doing a GREAT job leading a team at a really tough bank. On a not so good note, well, the bank isnt doing as great as Matthew is and that means they will be there longer :( :(
I have gotten better about his travel schedule and have felt pretty positive for the past........10 weeks he has been out of town but when I get a certain time in my brain and something changes I am always so devastated. What is a couple more weeks, really, when I have already been doing this for 10 or more??? It amazes me how Satan will take my disappointment and use it to totally ruin my day or my attitude which in turn makes things tougher on Matthew and my kids. The bigger picture here would be that Matthew HAS A JOB which right now, let's face it, is quit a blessing. The bigger picture here is that I have a husband who LIKES his job and is good at it. The bigger picture would be that my kids are happy and fed and hey, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger right!? So why do I take such a SMALL part of the BIG picture and focus on it? I guess this is a struggle for every life in some form or fashion.
I remember when we were trying to have kids and we were having a tough time. I finally learned that I had to stop spending so much time focusing on what I DIDNT have because it was making me miss what I DID have right in front of me. I suppose, 3 years later, this is no different. I need to really pray for God to give me the strength and patience that I need to be a good mother and a supportive, loving wife. That is a journey and a prayer that will NEVER be done. God is always working and changing my heart and helping me through each day and if I can just remember THAT then yep, 3 weeks doesnt seem like such a big deal.
Gotta go finish cleaning the house so I can relax and use the weekend, when Matthew is home, to just enjoy being a family. PLUS, I am looking forward to the kids going trick or treating on Saturday. :)
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Monday Blues
Monday, the day Matthew leaves to head back out of town. Usually, on days like today, I prefer to sit around and basically pout. I wont lie and say that didnt happen at all today but I must admit that the day went pretty well. The kids were super sweet and even though I didnt think I was in the mood for company, I told my Aunt she could come over. I am so glad I did because I think that her visit really set a good tone for the day. The kids ran around outside and just played in the leaves and with the dog and it was actually kind of relaxing to just sit on the deck and watch them.
I realize Halloween is just around the corner and although I am excited about the candy and the costumes I am ready for Christmas. :) I love the Christmas season. I love to decorate and listen to Christmas music and light candles that smell like cinnamon. Christmas has such a young spirit about it. I am excited to watch the kids this Christmas because I think they will really have more fun opening gifts and playing etc this year. Last year was fun but they really didnt know what in the heck was going on. This year, even though they STILL dont understand the whole Santa concept, they do understand new toys and get super excited about them so I think that it is going to be a blast. I am ready to start traditions that they will forever remember when they think of their childhood. What memories do I want to give my children? It is really a unique opportunity when you think about it.
I suppose I had better go to bed! I have so much to do and I am totally not focused! I hope Tuesday will be as pleasantly surprising as my Monday was. :)
Good night.
Ps. I posted a couple pictures of the kids outside. I will post more soon!
I realize Halloween is just around the corner and although I am excited about the candy and the costumes I am ready for Christmas. :) I love the Christmas season. I love to decorate and listen to Christmas music and light candles that smell like cinnamon. Christmas has such a young spirit about it. I am excited to watch the kids this Christmas because I think they will really have more fun opening gifts and playing etc this year. Last year was fun but they really didnt know what in the heck was going on. This year, even though they STILL dont understand the whole Santa concept, they do understand new toys and get super excited about them so I think that it is going to be a blast. I am ready to start traditions that they will forever remember when they think of their childhood. What memories do I want to give my children? It is really a unique opportunity when you think about it.
I suppose I had better go to bed! I have so much to do and I am totally not focused! I hope Tuesday will be as pleasantly surprising as my Monday was. :)
Good night.
Ps. I posted a couple pictures of the kids outside. I will post more soon!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
26 Minutes away from FRIDAY!
Friday, one of my favorite days, the day Matthew gets home from being out of town all week! He usually gets home right after the kids go down for their nap which is so fun because it gives him time to get in the door and hang out with me for a few minutes! THEN when the kids wake up from their nap, Matthew goes upstairs to get them. They are so surprised when he opens the door :)
Friday seems to me to be the day of the week when everyone takes a deep breath. It is so funny to me how I manage to stay up all hours of the night when Matthew is away but the second he gets home it hits me that I am TIRED! I end up falling asleep early and not wanting to get up in the morning. I feel like I can finally sleep with BOTH feet in the bed when Matthew is home. I dont have to be on 24hour alert mode just in case one of the babies wake up or need me.
My mom dropped by tonight on her way home from work. The kids are just CRAZY about her! They stand at the window and watch for her when she pulls in the driveway. Then, they run to the front door to open it for her. They are always so happy and excited to see her. She teaches them some of the most random things too. For example, she taught them how to run backwards. She also taught them to make an "L" shape with both hands and hold them up next to each other to form a "W" and say "whatever". I love the fact that she can be having a super tough day and come over and find rest and joy with my kids. Just another reason I am so happy we moved to Virginia. I always dreamed of watching my mom play with my kids but I didnt anticipate the joy it would bring to my heart to watch my kids looking adoringly at my mom, such a neat blessing.
Yep, almost Friday. Cant wait to catch up on some sleep and spend time with the kids and Matthew as a family :)
Hoping everyone has an awesome weekend!
Friday seems to me to be the day of the week when everyone takes a deep breath. It is so funny to me how I manage to stay up all hours of the night when Matthew is away but the second he gets home it hits me that I am TIRED! I end up falling asleep early and not wanting to get up in the morning. I feel like I can finally sleep with BOTH feet in the bed when Matthew is home. I dont have to be on 24hour alert mode just in case one of the babies wake up or need me.
My mom dropped by tonight on her way home from work. The kids are just CRAZY about her! They stand at the window and watch for her when she pulls in the driveway. Then, they run to the front door to open it for her. They are always so happy and excited to see her. She teaches them some of the most random things too. For example, she taught them how to run backwards. She also taught them to make an "L" shape with both hands and hold them up next to each other to form a "W" and say "whatever". I love the fact that she can be having a super tough day and come over and find rest and joy with my kids. Just another reason I am so happy we moved to Virginia. I always dreamed of watching my mom play with my kids but I didnt anticipate the joy it would bring to my heart to watch my kids looking adoringly at my mom, such a neat blessing.
Yep, almost Friday. Cant wait to catch up on some sleep and spend time with the kids and Matthew as a family :)
Hoping everyone has an awesome weekend!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
already slacking!
Here it is, 8:53pm. I am sitting here with wet hair ( just got out of the shower! Easier when kids are asleep). I realize I should be working on my sketches for my drawing class tomorrow, I am totally behind! I have really enjoyed the class so far and I especially LOVE the fact that my grandma and I are taking it together! I have a special relationship with my grandmother. She is my best friend and my mentor and so much more. We both love to decorate and we both LOVE a new "project" or challenge. :)
I had a lot of fun with the kids today. They spent a lot of the day playing outside. They are at that age when they start repeating everything they hear. The funny thing about that is it teaches me the things I am saying that I dont necessarily realize! For example, now, whenever I drop something, Madi says "darn it". Or whenever one of them falls down, Madi will say " whoooa Dude"! And just recently, they both are prone to calling me a "silly goose". I cant believe how quickly they are growing up. They are so beautiful and fun and innocent and trusting. The past two years are really such a blur. I dont want to forget any of it! I want to capture all of the moments I get with them ( good AND bad ) and store them somewhere safe.
I have to admit that since my hysterectomy, I am terrified of forgetting. Forgetting the feeling of my baby moving inside me or forgetting the smell of my babies right after a bath or the way they say 'mommy' when they need me. I realize that every child is a miracle and I feel so blessed to have two of my very own but I guess I cant help but think that if I had known I would end up getting the hysterectomy as soon as I did, I might have done something different. I am still not at the point of being able to look at their baby pictures or watch "A baby story" on TLC, I cant explain it or why I find it to be so painful. I guess if I had to compare it to something I would say, I am grieving. Grieving the loss of the ability to experience those things again and grieving the loss of part of me as a woman. I am taking it day by day but I can only really think about it in tiny pieces or my vision gets blurry and I lose the bigger perspective I so desperately want to hold onto. God is so good. My life is so full. My heart is so full of joy. I dont want all of those good things to be swallowed up with my grief even for a moment so I keep pushing it aside. The only problem with that is it doesnt allow me to deal with it and I know eventually, I need to deal with it and then let it go.
I didnt mean to write a novel tonight! Sorry to be so long winded. I will try to post more regularly and also post some recent pictures of my kiddos soon. I took a bunch today while they were outside playing. :)
Goodnight,
Katie
I had a lot of fun with the kids today. They spent a lot of the day playing outside. They are at that age when they start repeating everything they hear. The funny thing about that is it teaches me the things I am saying that I dont necessarily realize! For example, now, whenever I drop something, Madi says "darn it". Or whenever one of them falls down, Madi will say " whoooa Dude"! And just recently, they both are prone to calling me a "silly goose". I cant believe how quickly they are growing up. They are so beautiful and fun and innocent and trusting. The past two years are really such a blur. I dont want to forget any of it! I want to capture all of the moments I get with them ( good AND bad ) and store them somewhere safe.
I have to admit that since my hysterectomy, I am terrified of forgetting. Forgetting the feeling of my baby moving inside me or forgetting the smell of my babies right after a bath or the way they say 'mommy' when they need me. I realize that every child is a miracle and I feel so blessed to have two of my very own but I guess I cant help but think that if I had known I would end up getting the hysterectomy as soon as I did, I might have done something different. I am still not at the point of being able to look at their baby pictures or watch "A baby story" on TLC, I cant explain it or why I find it to be so painful. I guess if I had to compare it to something I would say, I am grieving. Grieving the loss of the ability to experience those things again and grieving the loss of part of me as a woman. I am taking it day by day but I can only really think about it in tiny pieces or my vision gets blurry and I lose the bigger perspective I so desperately want to hold onto. God is so good. My life is so full. My heart is so full of joy. I dont want all of those good things to be swallowed up with my grief even for a moment so I keep pushing it aside. The only problem with that is it doesnt allow me to deal with it and I know eventually, I need to deal with it and then let it go.
I didnt mean to write a novel tonight! Sorry to be so long winded. I will try to post more regularly and also post some recent pictures of my kiddos soon. I took a bunch today while they were outside playing. :)
Goodnight,
Katie
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
One of "those" days
50 degrees and raining does NOT make for a fun day when it comes to having 2 year old twins. When I would imagine myself as a mother I pictured playing and laughing and coloring with my kids. I never imagined two kids that constantly want whatever toy the other one has or kids that didnt eat their dinner after I spent an hour just trying to keep them content enough so I could actually COOK dinner and I definitely didnt picture myself basically trapped indoors with children that would rather play outside than anything else in the world. Yep, today was one of those days where I have to sit down, take a deep breath and remind myself of the years of praying and crying and yearning to be a mother and just thank God for 2 healthy, beautiful, (mostly) happy children.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Home Sweet Home
What an eventful weekend it turned out to be! Matthew got home late on Thursday after driving in from a bank in South Carolina. ( about 7hrs from our house! ) We didnt end up going to bed until 1:30ish in the morning. We could have gone to bed sooner but naturally, we wanted to at least chat about how our week had gone and what our plans were for the weekend. I got up on Friday morning and flew to Montgomery Al to go and visit friends and family but also primarily to hold a couple of Jewelry Shows for my business. I had a great time of course but now, I find myself to be totally exhausted!
Matthew had to leave again this afternoon to head back to work in South Carolina and he wont be home until late on Thurs. His schedule the next couple of months isnt going to be much fun but I know that God is going to take care of all of us and give me the strength I need to take good care of our children. It is so funny to me that Matthew has a job that requires so much travel. Mainly because before I was ever married I used to say that i would NEVER marry a man that had to travel all the time for his job. Well, after 6 months of being married, Matthew graduated from college and the only job he could get was a bank examiner position with the State of Alabama and guess what? It required lots of traveling! of course when he told me I cried and cried and he said, "dont worry babe, it is only temporary until i find something else'. LOL, well, here we are almost 6years later and he is STILL traveling!
One of the main reasons we moved to Virginia was so that I can have more help when he is out of town. You wouldnt believe how hard it is to do simple things like take a shower or go to the store or run into the Post Office when you have 2 two year olds! It is such a blessing to live close to my family. I still struggle with having to basically take care of the kids on my own during the week but just knowing that if I am in a total jam or at my breaking point, I have family down the road to help me makes everything so much easier.
I have my Open House Premier Jewelry party this coming Saturday and I am really looking forward to it. I have always LOVED having company over and LOVED wearing jewelry so it is the perfect situation for me :)
I suppose I should go to bed now since it is getting so late. I will be back to post a few pictures tomorrow. Hopefully my Monday blues will be over by then and I can find some sort of rhythm to make the rest of the week enjoyable for the kids and whoever else has to be around me :)
Good night everyone,
Katie
Matthew had to leave again this afternoon to head back to work in South Carolina and he wont be home until late on Thurs. His schedule the next couple of months isnt going to be much fun but I know that God is going to take care of all of us and give me the strength I need to take good care of our children. It is so funny to me that Matthew has a job that requires so much travel. Mainly because before I was ever married I used to say that i would NEVER marry a man that had to travel all the time for his job. Well, after 6 months of being married, Matthew graduated from college and the only job he could get was a bank examiner position with the State of Alabama and guess what? It required lots of traveling! of course when he told me I cried and cried and he said, "dont worry babe, it is only temporary until i find something else'. LOL, well, here we are almost 6years later and he is STILL traveling!
One of the main reasons we moved to Virginia was so that I can have more help when he is out of town. You wouldnt believe how hard it is to do simple things like take a shower or go to the store or run into the Post Office when you have 2 two year olds! It is such a blessing to live close to my family. I still struggle with having to basically take care of the kids on my own during the week but just knowing that if I am in a total jam or at my breaking point, I have family down the road to help me makes everything so much easier.
I have my Open House Premier Jewelry party this coming Saturday and I am really looking forward to it. I have always LOVED having company over and LOVED wearing jewelry so it is the perfect situation for me :)
I suppose I should go to bed now since it is getting so late. I will be back to post a few pictures tomorrow. Hopefully my Monday blues will be over by then and I can find some sort of rhythm to make the rest of the week enjoyable for the kids and whoever else has to be around me :)
Good night everyone,
Katie
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
A little bit of background.
Where to begin. This past week was the 11year anniversary of my very first date with my husband, Matthew. We started dating when I was 15. He is my best friend and I cant imagine my life without him. We have two beautiful children. Our Son Landon is 2 and our daughter Madi is 2......yes, that's right....boy/girl twins! The first question a lot of people ask me is "Do twins run in your family"? I STILL havent really decided on a good way to answer that.
Matthew and I tried to have children for what felt like a very long time (3 1/2 years). I prayed and I cried and I laughed and I got mad and in the end, as horrible as infertility can be, I would now say that it is the best thing that ever happened to me (outside of my husband and children of course).
Crazy huh? How can something so frustrating and emotionally draining can be the best thing that ever happened to me? Well, looking back I can see so many different ways that God has blessed my life through our struggle. I met so many wonderful, loving , compassionate people. Some of my best friends are a direct result of a bond that formed out of having infertility in common.
I want this blog to be a means of keeping up with friends and family of course but I also want this blog to let other women out there that are struggling with infertility know that their desire to be a mom is NOT a mistake and even though the journey is long and hard, it can be the best thing that ever happened in your life too.....dont lose hope and keep the faith. God gave you the desire to be a mom for a reason and He can use you and He can bless you in your journey.
I hope that as you get to know me or my background, God will show you that even through my imperfections and mistakes, HE was loving enough and strong enough and forgiving enough to use even me. How awesome to serve a God that see's who He DESIRES us to be? Pretty amazing.
Landon and Madison are both up from their naps now but I look forward to telling my story. I am not ashamed of our struggles and I not afraid to put myself out there. I am determined to use my journey, joys AND heartaches, for God's glory.
Katie Champion
Matthew and I tried to have children for what felt like a very long time (3 1/2 years). I prayed and I cried and I laughed and I got mad and in the end, as horrible as infertility can be, I would now say that it is the best thing that ever happened to me (outside of my husband and children of course).
Crazy huh? How can something so frustrating and emotionally draining can be the best thing that ever happened to me? Well, looking back I can see so many different ways that God has blessed my life through our struggle. I met so many wonderful, loving , compassionate people. Some of my best friends are a direct result of a bond that formed out of having infertility in common.
I want this blog to be a means of keeping up with friends and family of course but I also want this blog to let other women out there that are struggling with infertility know that their desire to be a mom is NOT a mistake and even though the journey is long and hard, it can be the best thing that ever happened in your life too.....dont lose hope and keep the faith. God gave you the desire to be a mom for a reason and He can use you and He can bless you in your journey.
I hope that as you get to know me or my background, God will show you that even through my imperfections and mistakes, HE was loving enough and strong enough and forgiving enough to use even me. How awesome to serve a God that see's who He DESIRES us to be? Pretty amazing.
Landon and Madison are both up from their naps now but I look forward to telling my story. I am not ashamed of our struggles and I not afraid to put myself out there. I am determined to use my journey, joys AND heartaches, for God's glory.
Katie Champion
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
