Well, it is FINALLY starting to show signs of Spring outside and I could not be happier! There is nothing better than sitting down on my screened in porch with a cup of hot tea ,or cold tea if you are one of my Southern Friends:) It is a time of new beginnings for nature and for perspective. Sunshine effects people and after such a crazy,wet,cold,and gloomy looking winter, Sunshine and warmer weather is WELCOMED!
The past couple of weeks have been so fast and crazy! I am a perfectionist about everything including my kids, my house, my hobbies, my job and it makes it very difficult when there isnt a set plan or if there IS a set plan and it changes! I honestly take part of my prayer time to ask God to help me relax and embrace the moments of life that surround me. Deep down I know that life isnt about how clean my house is or how much I can get accomplished or perfection in general. I know it is about learning and growing and loving and worshiping God with the way that I live. The problem is, if I KNOW this, then WHY cant I seem to live like it? I guess I will continue praying about it until one day, it becomes natural to not worry with the dishes.....
We put our babies in "big kid" beds. In other words, they now each have a twin bed and the crib is gone! I was so sad to take down their cribs because I know I am starting a new chapter and they are starting a new chapter and we wont ever get back the 2 1/2 years they spent in those cribs. They do HAVE to grow up. I am so thankful to God that His PERFECT plan includes giving mom's 18years to muster up the strength to let their kids be "grown ups".
It seems like the knowledge that I will never again be able to have children, makes every milestone that much harder. Maybe having the thought of more kids "one day" is comforting to moms? I dont know but I DO KNOW that the thought of NEVER having more kids IS NOT comforting. Maybe that will change when my kids are teenagers and driving my crazy with their "opinions" and choices...... maybe not......I guess the only way to find out is to let these changes happen. Let them gradually begin the journey God has laid out especially for them. It all starts with the big kid bed I guess.....it is so much more than taking down a crib.....
So now what? My job and my hearts desire is to raise my children and guide my family towards God's desires and God's will for their life. My "job" is to love and be patient and give without expecting anything in return and to recognize their needs and try to meet those needs. I am supposed to set an example right?....well, the thing that is missing most in my life is being a member of a church. I miss it. I will say that my prayer time and devotional time is now better and more consistent than ever before but God created in me the desire to have fellowship with other believers and to worship with music and a desire to encourage and to be held accountable. It is time for Matthew and I to move into "big kid" beds and embrace the roles God has blessed us with. It is time for us to focus and remember our purpose and our reason for being and loving. I think the next step is to be a part of something bigger than a devotion book. I dont wanna limit Gods power but doubting Him or not obeying His calling on our lives. How many opportunities do we miss because WE decide we are not worthy? or capable? How many blessings have OTHER people missed because WE decide we cant do something or we are "too tired" to do something or we will do something "later"? It is actually pretty scary when you think about it. I cant imagine the growth and blessings I would have missed out on if my TEACHERS and FAMILY had decided that they were not capable?
Isnt it time we start living like we serve the creator of the universe? Isnt it time we start living like God is guiding us and directing us and strengthening us? It amazes me how quickly we forget what a big God we serve. We worry and fret over the day or money or health or our children getting older or even something as stupid as the dishes, as if God forgot that part.....
The good news is that it doesnt have to be the 1st day of Spring for us to start over and focus. Every moment is a fresh start not because we deserve it or we ask for a "do over" but because our God is just that awesome.
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