Monday, March 15, 2010

Big Kid Beds and Big Kid personalities

Well, it is FINALLY starting to show signs of Spring outside and I could not be happier! There is nothing better than sitting down on my screened in porch with a cup of hot tea ,or cold tea if you are one of my Southern Friends:) It is a time of new beginnings for nature and for perspective. Sunshine effects people and after such a crazy,wet,cold,and gloomy looking winter, Sunshine and warmer weather is WELCOMED!

The past couple of weeks have been so fast and crazy! I am a perfectionist about everything including my kids, my house, my hobbies, my job and it makes it very difficult when there isnt a set plan or if there IS a set plan and it changes! I honestly take part of my prayer time to ask God to help me relax and embrace the moments of life that surround me. Deep down I know that life isnt about how clean my house is or how much I can get accomplished or perfection in general. I know it is about learning and growing and loving and worshiping God with the way that I live. The problem is, if I KNOW this, then WHY cant I seem to live like it? I guess I will continue praying about it until one day, it becomes natural to not worry with the dishes.....

We put our babies in "big kid" beds. In other words, they now each have a twin bed and the crib is gone! I was so sad to take down their cribs because I know I am starting a new chapter and they are starting a new chapter and we wont ever get back the 2 1/2 years they spent in those cribs. They do HAVE to grow up. I am so thankful to God that His PERFECT plan includes giving mom's 18years to muster up the strength to let their kids be "grown ups".

It seems like the knowledge that I will never again be able to have children, makes every milestone that much harder. Maybe having the thought of more kids "one day" is comforting to moms? I dont know but I DO KNOW that the thought of NEVER having more kids IS NOT comforting. Maybe that will change when my kids are teenagers and driving my crazy with their "opinions" and choices...... maybe not......I guess the only way to find out is to let these changes happen. Let them gradually begin the journey God has laid out especially for them. It all starts with the big kid bed I is so much more than taking down a crib.....

So now what? My job and my hearts desire is to raise my children and guide my family towards God's desires and God's will for their life. My "job" is to love and be patient and give without expecting anything in return and to recognize their needs and try to meet those needs. I am supposed to set an example right?....well, the thing that is missing most in my life is being a member of a church. I miss it. I will say that my prayer time and devotional time is now better and more consistent than ever before but God created in me the desire to have fellowship with other believers and to worship with music and a desire to encourage and to be held accountable. It is time for Matthew and I to move into "big kid" beds and embrace the roles God has blessed us with. It is time for us to focus and remember our purpose and our reason for being and loving. I think the next step is to be a part of something bigger than a devotion book. I dont wanna limit Gods power but doubting Him or not obeying His calling on our lives. How many opportunities do we miss because WE decide we are not worthy? or capable? How many blessings have OTHER people missed because WE decide we cant do something or we are "too tired" to do something or we will do something "later"? It is actually pretty scary when you think about it. I cant imagine the growth and blessings I would have missed out on if my TEACHERS and FAMILY had decided that they were not capable?

Isnt it time we start living like we serve the creator of the universe? Isnt it time we start living like God is guiding us and directing us and strengthening us? It amazes me how quickly we forget what a big God we serve. We worry and fret over the day or money or health or our children getting older or even something as stupid as the dishes, as if God forgot that part.....

The good news is that it doesnt have to be the 1st day of Spring for us to start over and focus. Every moment is a fresh start not because we deserve it or we ask for a "do over" but because our God is just that awesome.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Where to begin?

well, I cant believe I have not sat down and "blogged" since right before Thanksgiving! I am so embarrassed! There are so many things I would love to catch everyone up on but I realize this is a blog and not a book so I will just hit the high points and go from there!

To catch everyone up, if you didnt already know, the day before Thanksgiving my grandma was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  Not exactly the Thanksgiving I had in mind but sometimes that is just the way life goes. Grandma, of course, has had an amazing attitude and continues to inspire me everyday. She had surgery shortly after Thanksgiving and everything went really well, we couldnt have asked for better. She has been doing radiation therapy for the past several weeks and only has 1 more week to go before they reevaluate the next step that is or isnt needed. It is my hope that she will get good news and they will tell her that she is officially in remission.

Christmas was so much fun with the kids this year. I think I may have been more excited to see them open their presents than they were excited to be opening them! My mother in law came to stay with us for 10days which.....was a challenge! I mean, let's be real here.....ANYONE coming to visit for 10days would be hard! VA has been hit with a TON of snow since the week before Christmas. We even had a white christmas while she was here which was a huge deal. She is almost 60 and has never seen a white Christmas before! I was glad for the extra memory for her and the kids.

After Christmas and the New Year, we celebrated my 27th birthday which was great and I followed that up with a trip to Philly with a bunch of the awesome women that work with Premier Jewelry. I had an amazing weekend and really enjoyed the fellowship but also the time to myself. Honestly, the weekend was so much more than just a jewelry rally, it was inspiring on so many levels. I am thankful that God led me to Premier and especially to all the wonderful, kind hearted people there as well.

I guess that leaves.....Valentine's day? It was really great, this year Matthew and I decided to keep it simple. He MADE me a card! I loved it. I think that is a first for him? We have been together almost 12years so that is a big deal :) We went out to dinner and just really tried to enjoy being together just the two of us. That doesnt seem to come around very often so I really wanted us to enjoy it to the fullest.

The kids are growing up so fast and we actually put them in "big kid" beds last week! I cant believe their cribs are gone already. Where did the time go? I know everyone says that at some point in their life but seriously, what the heck have I been doing the past 2 1/2 years of their life? Sure there is the changing diapers and cooking and CLEANING that I obsess over but have I spent enough quiet moments with them? Read to them enough? Played with them enough? Relaxed with them enough? How often do I get so caught up in being "mom" that I forget to just enjoy the small things. I am trying to work on this and really praying about prioritizing my time in a way that would bring me closer to my kids but also as a chance to bring God glory. So many distractions in life and 90% of them will end up forgotten when we look back and say "where did the time go?" . Funny how that works.

Well, I suppose this is as good as I can do for catching everyone up. I plan to keep up with this blog better now. I enjoy it and I have missed it. It is just hard sometimes to make myself sit back and reflect. Sometimes, I am just too tired, sometimes I am just too lazy, sometimes I am just too busy and sometimes I just dont wanna really sit down and think about EVERYTHING going on and make myself accountable to growing the way I should be growing as a believer and as a mother and as a wife. So, here's to a fresh start....

Thursday, November 19, 2009

"Guncle Brad"

Well, tonight is the last night, for a few weeks at least, that the kids will only have me putting them to bed! It looks like Matthew COULD be home until the New Year! HOW AWESOME would that be!?I am really looking forward to the holidays. I feel so blessed to be living in Richmond near my family. I have so much Christmas shopping to get started on PLUS I am starting from scratch on our Christmas decorations so I have to FINALLY decide on a color scheme I am willing to stick with for a long time :) That is tough for me! I have never bought a lot of nice ornaments in the past because I wanted to wait until after we had kids. This way, I can buy ornaments that have meaning behind them and when the kids are 30 years old they can look at them and remember their childhood. I am sure that sounds really weird to some but I loved seeing familiar things like that when I was growing up. I think that decorating and the food and family memories is the BEST part of the Holiday season! :)

 Another AWESOME thing about this week, we were FINALLY able to get the swing set up that the kids got for their birthday( at the beginning of October)! I hated having it in the garage just waiting to be put together! There have been some BEAUTIFUL days in the past 2 months and a swing set in the backyard would have been perfect! Thank God for my brother in law ( who is super handy ) He spent two full days putting it together by himself. I was so thrilled that he was able and willing to help us get it done. The kids got on their swing set today and it was great to see their smiles as they went down the slide or climed the rock wall! I think they are going to really enjoy having it for a long time to come. :) I even took a couple of pictures of Brad putting it up. I plan to put those in their baby books so they can always remember how Uncle Brad ( or "Guncle Brad" as they like to say) put up their first swing set. It was cute that he was the first person they asked for when they woke up this morning.

Madi and Landon were so fun this afternoon playing with each other! I tried to get a little video of them playing in Madi's crib while I vacuumed etc upstairs. they were wrestling each other and giving each other hugs and kisses and then saying "awe" as they tilted their head to the side and then they would start laughing. I guess we say "awe" every time they hug each other and I just didnt notice it! Funny how at this age they repeat EVERYTHING they hear or see so it is a great way to see yourself through your child's eyes which can be good but sometimes a little scary! :)

I posted some pictures for everyone to check out. It has gotten SO tough to get pictures of Landon because he is always smiling really big and saying cheese when he sees the camera! LOL, oh well.

Enjoy the pictures! Just in case I cant post until next week, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!

Monday, November 16, 2009

"Love it"

What a fun weekend. It was so nice having Matthew home more last week. The kids are so happy to see him and they love playing with their dad. It is always a special blessing for me to see the kids playing with Matthew.

 Saturday we ended up separating the twins so that they could get some one on one time. Madison and I went to Target ( no surprise there! ). I asked her where she wanted to go and she said Target so that is where we went :) She had SO much fun, almost too much fun. She played in the clothing section for at least 30min! She just loved looking at all of the different colors and showing me everything that she liked. This is SUPER cute to me right now but I have a feeling later on......well......she is going to be a HANDFUL! After looking at all the clothes, we went and walked around in the toy isles and she played with all the baby dolls and strollers and shopping carts she could manage. She did so great when it was time to go! She put the babies back and waved at them and said "here ya go baby" and then as we walked away she waved and said "bye babies!". She is a great little girl. I couldnt ask for more!

We really did get the best of both worlds with Madi and Landon. I got the girly girl I always dreamed of and I got the boy that I was terrified of :) Landon is such a sweet little boy. He loves to cuddle with his mommy. He is into everything but he also is great about giving his sister the spot light, he really doesnt mind and it is really neat to see him take care of her. He brings her milk in the morning and pushes her around on all of their toys and even rubs her hair through the railings on her crib after I lay her down. Madi now rolls right over and says "kiss?" and she will kiss Landon through the bars/rails of her crib. I hope they are still super close as they get older, having a sibling is such a blessing.....

Yesterday we went out to my sister's house for Cam's 6th birthday. We had SO much fun and the kids really love seeing the goats and the chickens....Krisstel's house is so different from everything they have at home so it is a lot of fun for them. I was getting Madi dressed for the party and after she got her clothes on, she looked at me and looked in the mirror and said "LOVE IT". She usually says "cute" but I guess she is moving on from that now! Babies really do say the funniest things... LOL

Well, hopefully Matthew will be home after this week but I am trying not to get my hopes up. He is doing such a great job and is going out of his way to be extra sweet and helpful when he IS home which is so wonderful. I am excited to see what God has planned for our marriage and I am going to continue to pray that God would protect our marriage and continue to bring us closer. I also am praying that we would get out of the way of whatever God is trying to do. :) I am such a control freak with day to day things that I find it really hard not to have all the answers or at least a game plan!

Finally started a prayer journal, I have been meaning to do that for so long now. I am excited to write in it again. God already answered a prayer from my 1st Journal entry! We went to church on Sunday. We have really struggled with making church a priority and I miss it so much. It is hard to make ourselves go when Matthew is out of town so much. On the weekends when he is home, we want to just spend time together as a family and not have to be anywhere. I know there is a balance there and I also know that God will help us find it so that we can set the example God intended us to be for our children. Please pray with me on this and ask God to continue to mold us and show us a clear path on which church to go to and also how to raise our children to know God and love God and worship God.... after all, isnt that our job as parents? Everything else in life cant even compare to such an awesome responsibility.

I am learning one day at a time....I am watching God work and I have to say.... I "Love it" :)

Monday, November 9, 2009


okay, so it seems as though from the moment I found out I was pregnant, I have been trying to organize my house in such a way that it will be suitable for kids BUT doesnt look like a day care. In the beginning, I was cleaning out closets to make room for all of the diapers Matthew and I were buying throughout my pregnancy ( so that we wouldnt have the expense AFTER the babies, at least for a while ). THEN I was getting the nursery room ready, cleaned and organized. THEN after the babies got here, I was trying to have all of the "gadgets" (bouncy seats, play pen, swings, diaper stuff, and toys ) out without them taking over my house. THEN I was getting everything ready/baby proofed for them to start crawling and getting the kitchen ready for all of the new baby foods/dishes and high chairs. Before I knew it, they were walking.

Here they are , 2 years old, and I STILL find myself organizing and trying to make room for everything. I have been convincing myself that I am getting rid of things by giving it all to my sister as the kids grow out of it or dont play with it anymore. The problem is, by giving it all to my sister, I am not actually "letting go " of it all.  The thought of anyone else having it scares me. It scares me because then it means that it is all actually gone and I cant get it back.

I realize that most mom's struggle with letting go of their kids things. Putting it all in the attic, just in case we need it later, sounds so much easier to me than giving it to goodwill or consignment or even a friend. The problem is, I DONT need it later, I know we will never use this stuff again, I know that it is just getting wasted if I pack it up and put it in the attic. It has served it's purpose for us and now I should let it help someone else right?

Maybe a part of me feels like these "things" are the doorway to my memories? It's weird to think about it now but there was a time when I couldnt wait for them to grow into the next size clothes or FINALLY be done with their bottle or get big enough to turn their car seats around in the car or walk around the park with me. All of those things ARE wonderful but once they grow out of it or learn how to do it, they will never go back which means, I cant ever go back.

I wonder why the world is always trying to rush things? We are taught and told over and over again that fast is better and any slower than fast is a waste of time or somehow "behind". I wonder how many relationships or jobs or decisions in general, would be better if people werent always in such a rush. I wonder what I would have done different with my children if I had let them stay little longer? Maybe I would'nt be so hesitant to get rid of their old stuff....either way, I cant go back and I cant keep getting a bigger house to fit it all in.

So now what? The logical part of me says that memories cant be given away and that stuff is just stuff but my heart says.....I am not ready.

I guess for now, I will keep giving it all to my sister. Hopefully she will just keep flashing me a big smile and a thank you every time I drop off a bunch of stuff at her house that she may or may not really want.

Sorry for rambling, I guess I had better get back to my cleaning and organizing for the day.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

The day they started walking

Ok, so here are the lyrics to a song I wrote for my babies the day they started walking. I am not sure how it will "read" but bare with me!

It wasnt all that long ago
In fact it feels like yesterday

How I ached and longed for you,
On my knees I would pray

Tiny feet, tiny hands
A little girl or a little man
One or two, their gifts from You, I cant wait to know Your plan

It wasnt all that long ago,
In fact it feels like yesterday

A change in me began to show
A little more each passing day

Tiny feet, Tiny Hands
A little girl and a little Man

God gave me two, I always knew, He had big plans

And now, you're here
And now, you're here
I cant believe you're here

Your tiny feet, your tiny hands
My little girl and my little Man

One look at you, a love so new, I will never be the same

It was'nt all that long ago, in fact it feels like yesterday.....

Halloween Madness!

What a crazy weekend it was. Lot's of fun of course. Anything fun tends to be a little crazy or it would be boring right? So Friday and Saturday it rained. LUCKILY Sat afternoon it cleared up and the sun came out making it kind of a HOT/Sticky Halloween, but at least it wasnt raining!

Anyways, what was supposed to be a pretty smooth sailing evening with the kids turned into a ton of people at our house :) We got the kids dressed up and took them over to my grandma's house because she loves to see the little one's dressed up for Halloween ( as you can see with her big smile in the picture ). We ate dinner and had a cake for my Aunt Sue's birthday and then headed back to our house to meet my mom ( And her boyfriend and two of his friends! ) plus my aunt, her husband, their daughter in law, her sister, her sister's baby, my cousins twin girls, and my aunt Carole all came to my house! The kids were so much fun. They were so excited to see my mom ( of course, they are crazy about her ). We took them trick or treating for about 30minutes to an hour. They did great. They looked so grown up carrying those little buckets. They were funny saying " hi" when people opened their doors and then Landon was great about saying "thank you " as he headed back out to the next house. I guess that is a typical Halloween for people huh? For me, it just marked another 1st for my kids. The one and only 1st Halloween I will ever have with my children. Time keeps speeding up it seems.

I am looking forward to so many things with my kids, so many firsts but at the same time, I dont wanna be looking so far ahead that I miss something now. I find myself holding on tighter and tighter as they grow. Hopefully, I wont be one of "those" mom's, I am sure you know what I am talking about :) :)

Better go let the dog out and clean up all the dishes. I am planning to get back on here and post a couple more pictures and maybe share some lyrics to a song of mine that I cant seem to stop coming back to.