"Guncle Brad"

Well, tonight is the last night, for a few weeks at least, that the kids will only have me putting them to bed! It looks like Matthew COULD be home until the New Year! HOW AWESOME would that be!?I am really looking forward to the holidays. I feel so blessed to be living in Richmond near my family. I have so much Christmas shopping to get started on PLUS I am starting from scratch on our Christmas decorations so I have to FINALLY decide on a color scheme I am willing to stick with for a long time :) That is tough for me! I have never bought a lot of nice ornaments in the past because I wanted to wait until after we had kids. This way, I can buy ornaments that have meaning behind them and when the kids are 30 years old they can look at them and remember their childhood. I am sure that sounds really weird to some but I loved seeing familiar things like that when I was growing up. I think that decorating and the food and family memories is the BEST part of the Holiday season! :)

 Another AWESOME thing about this week, we were FINALLY able to get the swing set up that the kids got for their birthday( at the beginning of October)! I hated having it in the garage just waiting to be put together! There have been some BEAUTIFUL days in the past 2 months and a swing set in the backyard would have been perfect! Thank God for my brother in law ( who is super handy ) He spent two full days putting it together by himself. I was so thrilled that he was able and willing to help us get it done. The kids got on their swing set today and it was great to see their smiles as they went down the slide or climed the rock wall! I think they are going to really enjoy having it for a long time to come. :) I even took a couple of pictures of Brad putting it up. I plan to put those in their baby books so they can always remember how Uncle Brad ( or "Guncle Brad" as they like to say) put up their first swing set. It was cute that he was the first person they asked for when they woke up this morning.

Madi and Landon were so fun this afternoon playing with each other! I tried to get a little video of them playing in Madi's crib while I vacuumed etc upstairs. they were wrestling each other and giving each other hugs and kisses and then saying "awe" as they tilted their head to the side and then they would start laughing. I guess we say "awe" every time they hug each other and I just didnt notice it! Funny how at this age they repeat EVERYTHING they hear or see so it is a great way to see yourself through your child's eyes which can be good but sometimes a little scary! :)

I posted some pictures for everyone to check out. It has gotten SO tough to get pictures of Landon because he is always smiling really big and saying cheese when he sees the camera! LOL, oh well.

Enjoy the pictures! Just in case I cant post until next week, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!

"Love it"

What a fun weekend. It was so nice having Matthew home more last week. The kids are so happy to see him and they love playing with their dad. It is always a special blessing for me to see the kids playing with Matthew.

 Saturday we ended up separating the twins so that they could get some one on one time. Madison and I went to Target ( no surprise there! ). I asked her where she wanted to go and she said Target so that is where we went :) She had SO much fun, almost too much fun. She played in the clothing section for at least 30min! She just loved looking at all of the different colors and showing me everything that she liked. This is SUPER cute to me right now but I have a feeling later on......well......she is going to be a HANDFUL! After looking at all the clothes, we went and walked around in the toy isles and she played with all the baby dolls and strollers and shopping carts she could manage. She did so great when it was time to go! She put the babies back and waved at them and said "here ya go baby" and then as we walked away she waved and said "bye babies!". She is a great little girl. I couldnt ask for more!

We really did get the best of both worlds with Madi and Landon. I got the girly girl I always dreamed of and I got the boy that I was terrified of :) Landon is such a sweet little boy. He loves to cuddle with his mommy. He is into everything but he also is great about giving his sister the spot light, he really doesnt mind and it is really neat to see him take care of her. He brings her milk in the morning and pushes her around on all of their toys and even rubs her hair through the railings on her crib after I lay her down. Madi now rolls right over and says "kiss?" and she will kiss Landon through the bars/rails of her crib. I hope they are still super close as they get older, having a sibling is such a blessing.....

Yesterday we went out to my sister's house for Cam's 6th birthday. We had SO much fun and the kids really love seeing the goats and the chickens....Krisstel's house is so different from everything they have at home so it is a lot of fun for them. I was getting Madi dressed for the party and after she got her clothes on, she looked at me and looked in the mirror and said "LOVE IT". She usually says "cute" but I guess she is moving on from that now! Babies really do say the funniest things... LOL

Well, hopefully Matthew will be home after this week but I am trying not to get my hopes up. He is doing such a great job and is going out of his way to be extra sweet and helpful when he IS home which is so wonderful. I am excited to see what God has planned for our marriage and I am going to continue to pray that God would protect our marriage and continue to bring us closer. I also am praying that we would get out of the way of whatever God is trying to do. :) I am such a control freak with day to day things that I find it really hard not to have all the answers or at least a game plan!

Finally started a prayer journal, I have been meaning to do that for so long now. I am excited to write in it again. God already answered a prayer from my 1st Journal entry! We went to church on Sunday. We have really struggled with making church a priority and I miss it so much. It is hard to make ourselves go when Matthew is out of town so much. On the weekends when he is home, we want to just spend time together as a family and not have to be anywhere. I know there is a balance there and I also know that God will help us find it so that we can set the example God intended us to be for our children. Please pray with me on this and ask God to continue to mold us and show us a clear path on which church to go to and also how to raise our children to know God and love God and worship God.... after all, isnt that our job as parents? Everything else in life cant even compare to such an awesome responsibility.

I am learning one day at a time....I am watching God work and I have to say.... I "Love it" :)

organizing....AGAIN

okay, so it seems as though from the moment I found out I was pregnant, I have been trying to organize my house in such a way that it will be suitable for kids BUT doesnt look like a day care. In the beginning, I was cleaning out closets to make room for all of the diapers Matthew and I were buying throughout my pregnancy ( so that we wouldnt have the expense AFTER the babies, at least for a while ). THEN I was getting the nursery room ready, cleaned and organized. THEN after the babies got here, I was trying to have all of the "gadgets" (bouncy seats, play pen, swings, diaper stuff, and toys ) out without them taking over my house. THEN I was getting everything ready/baby proofed for them to start crawling and getting the kitchen ready for all of the new baby foods/dishes and high chairs. Before I knew it, they were walking.

Here they are , 2 years old, and I STILL find myself organizing and trying to make room for everything. I have been convincing myself that I am getting rid of things by giving it all to my sister as the kids grow out of it or dont play with it anymore. The problem is, by giving it all to my sister, I am not actually "letting go " of it all.  The thought of anyone else having it scares me. It scares me because then it means that it is all actually gone and I cant get it back.

I realize that most mom's struggle with letting go of their kids things. Putting it all in the attic, just in case we need it later, sounds so much easier to me than giving it to goodwill or consignment or even a friend. The problem is, I DONT need it later, I know we will never use this stuff again, I know that it is just getting wasted if I pack it up and put it in the attic. It has served it's purpose for us and now I should let it help someone else right?

Maybe a part of me feels like these "things" are the doorway to my memories? It's weird to think about it now but there was a time when I couldnt wait for them to grow into the next size clothes or FINALLY be done with their bottle or get big enough to turn their car seats around in the car or walk around the park with me. All of those things ARE wonderful but once they grow out of it or learn how to do it, they will never go back which means, I cant ever go back.

I wonder why the world is always trying to rush things? We are taught and told over and over again that fast is better and any slower than fast is a waste of time or somehow "behind". I wonder how many relationships or jobs or decisions in general, would be better if people werent always in such a rush. I wonder what I would have done different with my children if I had let them stay little longer? Maybe I would'nt be so hesitant to get rid of their old stuff....either way, I cant go back and I cant keep getting a bigger house to fit it all in.

So now what? The logical part of me says that memories cant be given away and that stuff is just stuff but my heart says.....I am not ready.

I guess for now, I will keep giving it all to my sister. Hopefully she will just keep flashing me a big smile and a thank you every time I drop off a bunch of stuff at her house that she may or may not really want.

Sorry for rambling, I guess I had better get back to my cleaning and organizing for the day.

The day they started walking

Ok, so here are the lyrics to a song I wrote for my babies the day they started walking. I am not sure how it will "read" but bare with me!

It wasnt all that long ago
In fact it feels like yesterday


How I ached and longed for you,
On my knees I would pray


Tiny feet, tiny hands
A little girl or a little man
One or two, their gifts from You, I cant wait to know Your plan


It wasnt all that long ago,
In fact it feels like yesterday


A change in me began to show
A little more each passing day


Tiny feet, Tiny Hands
A little girl and a little Man


God gave me two, I always knew, He had big plans


And now, you're here
And now, you're here
I cant believe you're here


Your tiny feet, your tiny hands
My little girl and my little Man


One look at you, a love so new, I will never be the same

It was'nt all that long ago, in fact it feels like yesterday.....

Halloween Madness!

What a crazy weekend it was. Lot's of fun of course. Anything fun tends to be a little crazy or it would be boring right? So Friday and Saturday it rained. LUCKILY Sat afternoon it cleared up and the sun came out making it kind of a HOT/Sticky Halloween, but at least it wasnt raining!

Anyways, what was supposed to be a pretty smooth sailing evening with the kids turned into a ton of people at our house :) We got the kids dressed up and took them over to my grandma's house because she loves to see the little one's dressed up for Halloween ( as you can see with her big smile in the picture ). We ate dinner and had a cake for my Aunt Sue's birthday and then headed back to our house to meet my mom ( And her boyfriend and two of his friends! ) plus my aunt, her husband, their daughter in law, her sister, her sister's baby, my cousins twin girls, and my aunt Carole all came to my house! The kids were so much fun. They were so excited to see my mom ( of course, they are crazy about her ). We took them trick or treating for about 30minutes to an hour. They did great. They looked so grown up carrying those little buckets. They were funny saying " hi" when people opened their doors and then Landon was great about saying "thank you " as he headed back out to the next house. I guess that is a typical Halloween for people huh? For me, it just marked another 1st for my kids. The one and only 1st Halloween I will ever have with my children. Time keeps speeding up it seems.

I am looking forward to so many things with my kids, so many firsts but at the same time, I dont wanna be looking so far ahead that I miss something now. I find myself holding on tighter and tighter as they grow. Hopefully, I wont be one of "those" mom's, I am sure you know what I am talking about :) :)

Better go let the dog out and clean up all the dishes. I am planning to get back on here and post a couple more pictures and maybe share some lyrics to a song of mine that I cant seem to stop coming back to.

Halloween Pictures

3 MORE WEEKS!? Really!?

Okay, so I am going to try to remain positive. On a good note, Matthew is doing a GREAT job leading a team at a really tough bank. On a not so good note, well, the bank isnt doing as great as Matthew is and that means they will be there longer :( :( 

I have gotten better about his travel schedule and have felt pretty positive for the past........10 weeks he has been out of town but when I get a certain time in my brain and something changes I am always so devastated. What is a couple more weeks, really, when I have already been doing this for 10 or more??? It amazes me how Satan will take my disappointment and use it to totally ruin my day or my attitude which in turn makes things tougher on Matthew and my kids. The bigger picture here would be that Matthew HAS A JOB which right now, let's face it, is quit a blessing. The bigger picture here is that I have a husband who LIKES his job and is good at it. The bigger picture would be that my kids are happy and fed and hey, what doesnt kill you  makes you stronger right!? So why do I take such a SMALL part of the BIG picture and focus on it? I guess this is a struggle for every life in some form or fashion.

I remember when we were trying to have kids and we were having a tough time. I finally learned that I had to stop spending so much time focusing on what I DIDNT have because it was making me miss what I DID have right in front of me. I suppose, 3 years later, this is no different. I need to really pray for God to give me the strength and patience that I need to be a good mother and a supportive, loving wife. That is a journey and a prayer that will NEVER be done. God is always working and changing my heart and helping me through each day and if I can just remember THAT then yep, 3 weeks doesnt seem like such a big deal.

Gotta go finish cleaning the house so I can relax and use the weekend, when Matthew is home, to just enjoy being a family. PLUS, I am looking forward to the kids going trick or treating on Saturday. :)

Monday Blues

Monday, the day Matthew leaves to head back out of town. Usually, on days like today, I prefer to sit around and basically pout. I wont lie and say that didnt happen at all today but I must admit that the day went pretty well. The kids were super sweet and even though I didnt think I was in the mood for company, I told my Aunt she could come over. I am so glad I did because I think that her visit really set a good tone for the day. The kids ran around outside and just played in the leaves and with the dog and it was actually kind of relaxing to just sit on the deck and watch them.

I realize Halloween is just around the corner and although I am excited about the candy and the costumes I am ready for Christmas. :) I love the Christmas season. I love to decorate and listen to Christmas music and light candles that smell like cinnamon. Christmas has such a young spirit about it. I am excited to watch the kids this Christmas because I think they will really have more fun opening gifts and playing etc this year. Last year was fun but they really didnt know what in the heck was going on. This year, even though they STILL dont understand the whole Santa concept, they do understand new toys and get super excited about them so I think that it is going to be a blast. I am ready to start traditions that they will forever remember when they think of their childhood. What memories do I want to give my children? It is really a unique opportunity when you think about it. 

I suppose I had better go to bed! I have so much to do and I am totally not focused! I hope Tuesday will be as pleasantly surprising as my Monday was. :)

Good night.

Ps. I posted a couple pictures of the kids outside. I will post more soon!

26 Minutes away from FRIDAY!

Friday, one of my favorite days, the day Matthew gets home from being out of town all week! He usually gets home right after the kids go down for their nap which is so fun because it gives him time to get in the door and hang out with me for a few minutes! THEN when the kids wake up from their nap, Matthew goes upstairs to get them. They are so surprised when he opens the door :)

Friday seems to me to be the day of the week when everyone takes a deep breath. It is so funny to me how I manage to stay up all hours of the night when Matthew is away but the second he gets home it hits  me that I am TIRED! I end up falling asleep early and not wanting to get up in the morning. I feel like I can finally sleep with BOTH feet in the bed when Matthew is home. I dont have to be on 24hour alert mode just in case one of the babies wake up or need me.

My mom dropped by tonight on her way home from work. The kids are just CRAZY about her! They stand at the window and watch for her when she pulls in the driveway. Then, they run to the front door to open it for her. They are always so happy and excited to see her. She teaches them some of the most random things too. For example, she taught them how to run backwards. She also taught them to make an "L" shape with both hands and hold them up next to each other to form a "W" and say "whatever". I love the fact that she can be having a super tough day and come over and find rest and joy with my kids. Just another reason I am so happy we moved to Virginia. I always dreamed of watching my mom play with my kids but I didnt anticipate the joy it would bring to my heart to watch my kids looking adoringly at my mom, such a neat blessing.

Yep, almost Friday. Cant wait to catch up on some sleep and spend time with the kids and Matthew as a family :)

Hoping everyone has an awesome weekend!

already slacking!

Here it is, 8:53pm. I am sitting here with wet hair ( just got out of the shower! Easier when kids are asleep). I realize I should be working on my sketches for my drawing class tomorrow, I am totally behind! I have really enjoyed the class so far and I especially LOVE the fact that my grandma and I are taking it together! I have a special relationship with my grandmother. She is my best friend and my mentor and so much more. We both love to decorate and we both LOVE a new "project" or challenge. :)

I had a lot of fun with the kids today. They spent a lot of the day playing outside. They are at that age when they start repeating everything they hear. The funny thing about that is it teaches me the things I am saying that I dont necessarily realize! For example, now, whenever I drop something, Madi says "darn it". Or whenever one of them falls down, Madi will say " whoooa Dude"!  And just recently, they both are prone to calling me a "silly goose". I cant believe how quickly they are growing up. They are so beautiful and fun and innocent and trusting. The past two years are really such a blur. I dont want to forget any of it! I want to capture all of the moments I get with them ( good AND bad ) and store them somewhere safe.

I have to admit that since my hysterectomy, I am terrified of forgetting. Forgetting the feeling of my baby moving inside me or forgetting the smell of my babies right after a bath or the way they say 'mommy' when they need me. I realize that every child is a miracle and I feel so blessed to have two of my very own but I guess I cant help but think that if I had known I would end up getting the hysterectomy as soon as I did, I might have done something different. I am still not at the point of being able to look at their baby pictures or watch "A baby story" on TLC, I cant explain it or why I find it to be so painful. I guess if I had to compare it to something I would say, I am grieving. Grieving the loss of the ability to experience those things again and grieving the loss of part of me as a woman. I am taking it day by day but I can only really think about it in tiny pieces or my vision gets blurry and I lose the bigger perspective I so desperately want to hold onto. God is so good. My life is so full. My heart is so full of joy. I dont want all of those good things to be swallowed up with my grief even for a moment so I keep pushing it aside. The only problem with that is it doesnt allow me to deal with it and I know eventually, I need to deal with it and then let it go.

I didnt mean to write a novel tonight! Sorry to be so long winded. I will try to post more regularly and also post some recent pictures of my kiddos soon. I took a bunch today while they were outside playing. :)

Goodnight,
Katie

One of "those" days

50 degrees and raining does NOT make for a fun day when it comes to having 2 year old twins. When I would imagine myself as a mother I pictured playing and laughing and coloring with my kids. I never imagined two kids that constantly want whatever toy the other one has or kids that didnt eat their dinner after I spent an hour just trying to keep them content enough so I could actually COOK dinner and I definitely didnt picture myself basically trapped indoors with children that would rather play outside than anything else in the world. Yep, today was one of those days where I have to sit down, take a deep breath and remind myself of the years of praying and crying and yearning to be a mother and just thank God for 2 healthy, beautiful, (mostly) happy children.

Home Sweet Home

What an eventful weekend it turned out to be! Matthew got home late on Thursday after driving in from a bank in South Carolina. ( about 7hrs from our house! ) We didnt end up going to bed until 1:30ish in the morning. We could have gone to bed sooner but naturally, we wanted to at least chat about how our week had gone and what our plans were for the weekend. I got up on Friday morning and flew to Montgomery Al to go and visit friends and family but also primarily to hold a couple of Jewelry Shows for my business. I had a great time of course but now, I find myself to be totally exhausted!

Matthew had to leave again this afternoon to head back to work in South Carolina and he wont be home until late on Thurs. His schedule the next couple of months isnt going to be much fun but I know that God is going to take care of all of us and give me the strength I need to take good care of our children. It is so funny to me that Matthew has a job that requires so much travel. Mainly because before I was ever married I used to say that i would NEVER marry a man that had to travel all the time for his job. Well, after 6 months of being married, Matthew graduated from college and the only job he could get was a bank examiner position with the State of Alabama and guess what? It required lots of traveling! of course when he told me I cried and cried and he said, "dont worry babe, it is only temporary until i find something else'. LOL, well, here we are almost 6years later and he is STILL traveling!

One of the main reasons we moved to Virginia was so that I can have more help when he is out of town. You wouldnt believe how hard it is to do simple things like take a shower or go to the store or run into the Post Office when you have 2 two year olds! It is such a blessing to live close to my family. I still struggle with having to basically take care of the kids on my own during the week but just knowing that if I am in a total jam or at my breaking point, I have family down the road to help me makes everything so much easier.

I have my Open House Premier Jewelry party this coming Saturday and I am really looking forward to it. I have always LOVED having company over and LOVED wearing jewelry so it is the perfect situation for me :)

I suppose I should go to bed now since it is getting so late. I will be back to post a few pictures tomorrow. Hopefully my Monday blues will be over by then and I can find some sort of rhythm to make the rest of the week enjoyable for the kids and whoever else has to be around me :)

Good night everyone,
Katie

A little bit of background.

Where to begin. This past week was the 11year anniversary of my very first date with my husband, Matthew. We started dating when I was 15. He is my best friend and I cant imagine my life without him. We have two beautiful children. Our Son Landon is 2 and our daughter Madi is 2......yes, that's right....boy/girl twins! The first question a lot of people ask me is "Do twins run in your family"? I STILL havent really decided on a good way to answer that.

Matthew and I tried to have children for what felt like a very long time (3 1/2 years). I prayed and I cried and I laughed and I got mad and in the end, as horrible as infertility can be, I would now say that it is the best thing that ever happened to me (outside of my husband and children of course).

Crazy huh? How can something so frustrating and emotionally draining can be the best thing that ever happened to me? Well, looking back I can see so many different ways that God has blessed my life through our struggle.  I met so many wonderful, loving , compassionate people. Some of my best friends are a direct result of a bond that formed out of having infertility in common.

I want this blog to be a means of keeping up with friends and family of course but I also want this blog to let other women out there that are struggling with infertility know that their desire to be a mom is NOT a mistake and even though the journey is long and hard, it can be the best thing that ever happened in your life too.....dont lose hope and keep the faith. God gave you the desire to be a mom for a reason and He can use you and He can bless you in your journey.

I hope that as you get to know me or my background, God will show you that even through my imperfections and mistakes, HE was loving enough and strong enough and forgiving enough to use even me. How awesome to serve a God that see's who He DESIRES us to be? Pretty amazing.

Landon and Madison are both up from their naps now but I look forward to telling my story. I am not  ashamed of our struggles and I not afraid to put myself out there. I am determined to use my journey, joys AND heartaches, for God's glory.


Katie Champion